Run back to the start...

[by the female Bird]

The new Copeland album is out - produced by Aaron Sprinkle. It's really good. And I forgot about Aaron Sprinkle until now - he's really good too.


It's been a difficult journey lately. Life's been a floating bubble.

I think I've actually decided for myself that I don't need happiness or purpose... so why ask for it if I don't need it? As if I know what's best for myself. I realized recently that I've stopped asking God for anything... I've decided that realizing He is good is enough, and I need not see, comprehend or experience His goodness. What a sad cheat.

I'm starting to remember that He has given me desires, dreams, even passions... I've forgotten most of them because I've pushed them all far far away from my heart, but I believe that they will soon find me once again.

Not to be dramatic but... ever since the accident, I've felt more useless and purposeless than ever. I keep asking myself, "why would He save and preserve me? why didn't He take me home?" But why have I not been asking Him these questions? Why have I not been asking Him for guidance, for good, for provision, for joy?

To say I've become passive is a major understatement. Perhaps if I don't care about anything or anyone, nothing will ever disappoint (...and I will never disappoint). I haven't pursued anything. And I haven't turned around to see my own Pursuer... But I've been pursued.

Is it pride that keeps us from asking God for the abundance He promised?